
(Above, the Nan Bield Pass. Knackered mountainbikers not pictured)
Starting from Wheelbase Cycles in Staveley on a fine, summer's morning it began somewhat innoculously enough, with a spin down the cyclepath alongside the main Kendal-Windermere road before a right turn kicked us up into the hills, firstly on tarmac and then a rocky bridleway which became grassy before a tumultuous descent into Kentmere. So far, then, so good. Next, we traversed Green Quarter Fell and plummeted into Sadgill down another corking, if a little hairy in places, descent with a few massive drop-offs and switchbacks into the bargain.

(Above: Steve descends into oblivion, er I mean Kentmere)
Lovely, so what's next?
Erm, hell on wheels. That's what. We hung a left up Longsleddale and there we saw it. Stretching miles into the distance was the veritable monster that is the Gatesgarth Pass. However even so, we weren't worried. The previous month's issue of MBR even had a feature on Lakeland passes and stated quite confidently 'only the best will make it to the top without dabbing'. OK, so we knew we weren't exactly Nick Craig but we're both experienced cyclists with over 40 years riding between us. It's fine, we thought, it's not a race we'll just spin up to the top then when it gets really tough, hop off and walk. No sweat. Within a mile the trail kicked up and we were scrabbling for traction and gasping for air. No go, we were off and pushing. And pushing and then pushing some more. The gradient was relentless and the surface loose and greasy offering no respite as we struggled manfully onwards, only the thought of a cracking descent keeping us going. And then just when we reached a gate, and the trail flattened out did we spot the next section of the pass, curving round the hillside and up into the clouds, getting steeper every stride. It was clearly going to be a long day.

(Above: your correspondant carbo-loads on a Ginsters steak and mushroom slice halfway up the Gatesgarth)
Several weeks later, we crested the summit, dropped our saddles and prepared to be blown away by a long, sinuous descent to Haweswater. Sadly I appeared to have missed it as all I could find was a steep, rocky singletrack which had to be ridden at 1mph to allow us to pick the best line and then we were at the bottom. Oh well, at least there's the Nan Bield Pass descent to look forward to. The only problem was we had to get up there first and the famous Lakeland weather was starting to turn. The mountains over our left shoulder above Haweswater were shrouded in mist and looking menacing so guess where we were going?
I'll keep the next part mercifully brief as was the riding. For almost three hours we pushed, carried and generally manhandled our bikes across rock gardens, scree slopes and up a corrie that didn't even look manageable with crampons on let alone disco slipper racing shoes before we finally made it to the stone shelter at the summit, passing more than a few incredulous walkers in the process. "Have you carried those up there then?" was the general greeting. "No mate, we were dropped in by helicopter." I thank you.
And so we began the descent which under perfect conditions would have probably been rideable but the howling wind and sleet pelting our by now battered bodies meant that no chances were taken and the switchbacks at the top negotiated with maximum care. From there we skidded, squealed and generally hobbled the six miles back to the valley floor and the relative safety of a marked bridleway.
However, we'd done it. It had taken three hours longer than my initial foolish estimate of 5 hours but with the exception of one of Steve's carbon bar ends, which to this day remains halfway down the Gatesgarth pass, we'd come through it relatively unscathed.
Same time next week then.
And all I can add was a comment from a walker in full wet weather gear struggling against the wind who passed me as I staggered up a mountain dragging my bike along and said 'That looks about as much fun as having mumps'. To be honest I'd have taken the mumps at that point...
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